This is going to be a different year. My mother passed away on August 4, and the last part of 2015 was spent in a blurry, disoriented state of wondering if I was feeling the right things, doing the right things. I didn’t experience grief so much as numbness. I felt as if I had been thrown out of my comfortable world of house, husband, grown kids, friends, writing – into a totally foreign world of care-taking, decision-making, and difficult, sad loss.
My husband is a wonderful person, simply because he is still here. He is here when I have nothing to give him in return but the love of 26 years, and the promise that no matter what, he is always my person, and I am always his.
So, we begin 2016.
My meds are working, the endless kitchen renovation is almost over, the boys are doing well and are happy.
I updated the look of my blog, and my younger son said, “Wow, that’s…rainy.” I guess it is sort of dark, but there is no meaning behind that, other than it is winter, and I like the winter rain.
I still have a jumbled, too-busy brain when it comes to writing, blogging, and other goals I have set for myself. I started using a new mind-mapping software and I actually find it helpful. It is called Ideament, and it is very simple to use, so I can use my brain energy actually breaking down tasks and goals and organizing them, instead of trying to figure out how to make that arrows go the right direction, and the shapes the right size. I recommend it. It is good for the person (me) who gets frozen up by perfectionism, and I think it will get even easier the more I use it.
If I have a resolution for 2016 (and I hate resolutions, because when has anyone ever kept one for a whole year?) it is to be better to the people in my life – to call more, to say thank you often, to ask what they need, to listen to their stories. I think there is joy in that.
Happy new year, friends. I love you.